I’m thinking about Suicide

Everytime I say those words someone either freaks out and starts giving me self-help lectures or starts making a mental list of my few worldy possesions. I’m not sure which bother’s me more.

I was having a converstation on the subject which is why I’m thinking about it. I’m not sitting here with a bottle of pills typing out a Farewell Opus, I’m just pondering the subject.

People say it’s the “Cowards way out” and some believe it’s always just a cry for attention. Many even consider it a “Sin” . How many really know what the Hell their talking about?

Really, how many with their cliches and admonishments have even Really tried it? Of those that have, Why did They try it and who are they to Judge someone elses circumstances?

Maybe it was a cry for attention or maybe life just really REALLY sucked at the time. Or a 1,001 other reasons for wanting to take the next bus out of this world.

I know I have had My reasons, some stupid and some I keep to myself because anyone lecturing on the more Serious issues would get my boot up their ass before they can finish the first sentence and I prefer to be non-violent. Most of the time anyway.

Yes, sometimes it’s just “attention whoring” yet sometimes it’s a cry for help when nobody seems to hear them any other way.

Sometimes a persons life just gets so bad they feel they just can’t take it anymore and sometimes it’s so bad they really Can’t take anymore.

Maybe their in pain, physically or emotionally and their reaching their limit and Death is the only release they can think of. When your in that state of mind, getting Religion or making an appointment with a shrink can be almost comical thoughts.

There are as many reasons to want to die as there are reasons to Not want to die. Who are we to Judge it on some arbitrary scale of right and wrong. Are You psychic, can you look into the minds and hearts of those who say they want to die? Can you truly tell the ones who are just “looking for attention” and the ones who’s souls are screaming? I sure as hell can’t and if I could I would never sleep again I’m sure.

There are times when you can tell, sometimes it’s just obvious by the way they act at other times. The problem though, is that you have to be pretty good at not just Observing but also being able to see things without prejudice or bias to the situation or person being observed. Many like to Think they can do that but most that I hear brag about it are talking out of their asses.

My favorite is when people lecture in an angry tone about how Wrong it is to kill yourself and what a “coward” someone is for it. These people in many Many cases have so much denial built up inside I’m surprised their heads don’t explode.

I asked someone once, an ex-friend, who was lecturing his son for having OD’d on some pills, how many time’s HE had been sexualy molested. He looked at me like I just asked him what his bra size is.

I was something of a friend to his Son because he happened to know we shared certain experiences. He had found some things I had written once upon a time while helping me do some cleaning and we had a long talk.

We were going to talk to his Father about some things the day of the suicide attempt but Loving Caring Dad backed out for a football game, his son attempted suicide that night.

I was unfortunatly out of town at that time and my fone didn’t have reception where I was at and I had been assured before I left that he “wouldn’t do anythng stupid” before I got back that evening.

Noone knew that his molestor, who was in jail on something else had been released on a technicality and would suddenly show up at the bowling alley he hung out at causing everything to come down in a wave of emotion that swept him under.

Mr. Runner up for “Worst Dad of the Year” got quite angry when I explained things. He got angry at his Son for telling Me and not Him, especialy for not saying anything when it actually happened. One thing led to another and it got pretty messy pretty fast. I got three cracked ribs and Daddy Dearest got a transfusion at the hospital.

I forgot to mention, my young “Emo” friend was 11 years old.

Feel anyway you want about suicide but keep in mind that if you don’t KNOW whats going on don’t Judge others based on Your personal feelings of it. Their not asking You to kill Yourself.

There are people I have Judged as “looking for attention” and they were. I knew enuff about them and their lives and their reasons to make a fair assesment and time proved it correct. Not bragging that I am a great Judge of these things or that I am and always will be right.

Generally I don’t comment on my opinion unless I’m speaking with the person themself and trying to help them through something. Occasionally I offer my view if asked and sometimes when not but I always make sure whomever I’m speaking to knows I’m no expert and just giving an opinion.

The main point of all this is simple. The next time you hear someone say they want to kill themself, don’t just insult them. They might actually need some help.




About William

Just a Blogger with too much time to kill. Ranting and Raving about whatever is on my mind when I sit down to type. Politics, Religion, Social issues even Personal crap..errr ...Revelations at times.

13 responses to “I’m thinking about Suicide”

  1. otove says :

    You’re baiting wolves with this subject. Anyway…Suicide offers hope, and admittedly it has some benefits, but try to reconcile Suicide with it’s opposite, Immortality, what do both have in common?

    In the highest of Elysian mysteries the initiate learns why Suicide is not only wrong but unjust.

  2. William says :

    Nor familiar with those teachings, but then I’m not familiar with alot of things ..lol

    I don’t advocate suicide as a Rule. I’ve helped talk quite a few out of it actually.

    Though I do support mercy death in some cases if an individual chooses it. I don’t agree with the choice to die in general but I’m not dying of brain cancer or anything so I can’t Judge Their choice to “end the pain”

    My post is mostly a statement that people Should try and understand that Sometimes a person needs help, not recriminations and insults or just plain dismissal.

  3. fringewalk says :

    How is your young friend doing now? How long ago was this? (Thank The Big Guy he had you, btw).

    It’s easy for people who haven’t experienced that complete sense of pure and utter hopelessness, to make a judgement.

    A phrase that comes to my mind often when thinking about these things is ‘by luck of birth’. By luck of birth, some people have the genetic code, and the love/nurturing/guidence needed to ensure they are able to develop skills and coping strategies that are constructive and helpful. Others are not so lucky. These people think they would be the same, feel the same, cope the same if they were beaten/neglected/exploited/raped/ignored/abandoned/abused from a young age, as some people are (by luck of birth). This is because they lack empathy, understanding and the ability to connect the dots, the developing child with the adult, what we learn to what we are.

    To me, telling someone who is clearly suffering from some kind of mental disturbance and so attempts suicide that they are wrong or bad, is akin to telling someone with cancer that they are wrong or bad.

    Extreme mental sickness is a SICKNESS. Fools.

  4. fringewalk says :

    PS I cant believe you got into a fight! (even though that guy is clearly a nobber).

    • William says :

      I may be to blame for the fight. He made a comment about maybe the boy liked it and just don’t want to admit to being a “fag”

      Thats when I hit him with a lamp ..

      ok, so yea, I did start the physical part of the argument but It felt REALLY good whacking him with that lamp. … lol

      He moved away to his Mothers a few States over after that, she was getting her act together after along road of alcoholism.

      The last time I ever saw him face to face he was 19 and looking damned handsome and proud in his Marine Uniform.

      He also introduced me to his umm “special friend” , His father was only half right, he had always “felt different”

      The Corps is actually what brought it out …lol .. he found the strength in himself to BE who he was.

      Don’t ask Don’t Tell was a problem of course. I saw him on the news a few times fighting for the repeal on that 🙂

      Not allowed to name him unfortunately. Due to some Political activity I may or may not have been involved with he can’t risk Knowing me.

      I’m not a terrorist or anything .. lol .. I just used to be somewhat outspoken

  5. William says :

    It would be a shame if you decided I was evil incarnate like most of my ex’s so your probably right ..lol

    Mostly I listen to various types of Goth. Grew up on Rock, then was a Metalhead, now Goth. Always listened to variety though, Blues, Alternative even some Country. I used to pirate Dj a little online so was always being exposed to new music 🙂

    Cool song

  6. fringewalk says :

    know the difference between regular-i’m-human kind of hurt and trauma that cripples and maims because i’ve survived it.

    via weirdly grateful « Rescuing Little L.

Werdz Go Heer

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