Yes, I’m Bitching

Yes, I’m Bitching, but if I don’t let it out my head will explode.

One, paranoid schizophrenic who won’t keep his medz schedule. One bi-polar with attention deficit disorder, manageable but still annoying after awhile. Neither can speak right without an extreme effort, an effort not made often. Especially during any sport program that happens to be on.

A bathroom the size of a coat closet, tiny living room with barely the space for a couch and a big screen TV. A small cluttered bedroom that is rumored to actually contain a bed. The cat swears there is one in there somewhere, but i think he just lost a toy under the mess and wants me to dig it out.

My desk is next to the stove, which is used constantly, as these two do nothing but eat, play video games and nap like cats throughout the day and night, on no particular schedule. It’s nearly impossible to have a private chat or even spend five minutes trying to write something with someone over my shoulder every few minutes.

I sleep whenever it’s quiet enough, which isn’t often, between the blaring TV, people coming and going all the time and being asked what I’m doing every twenty minutes. Even while trying to go to sleep I get asked what I’m doing. Pretending I’m dead doesn’t  help, sometimes I actually get WOKE UP and asked what I’m doing.

It also doesn’t help, not knowing Where I’m going to sleep. Could be a couch, or a space on the floor near a closet depending how many are here and whats going on. I would sleep IN the closet except everything I own is in there and I’m afraid of being trapped under an avalanche of clothes, DVD’s and certain other items that won’t be mentioned where the F.B.I might run across the list.

Someone I love and care for very much is sick and in the hospital again. A few hundred miles away and theirs nothing I could do for her even if I Could be there, other than just be there for her.

Someone else I care deeply for and have an attachment to is dying. Painfully an possibly within weeks, possibly within days if anything else goes wrong with her. I’ve lost track of her problems, even the Doctors need a score-card, she has so many system failures piling up.

I haven’t seen two of my children in over a year, they live too far away and being teens their always busy. I’m happy for them, they have some good friends and a real chance at making something of themselves. My baby girl will be a year in a few months and I’ve only seen her twice, she was asleep both times. I may never see her again if her mother dies, which I pray everyday she won’t and not just for my lil monsters sake.

There are a thousand other aggravations each day but those are the pressing ones.

My roommates, well many of their problems are not their faults so I bite my tongue alot.I could deal with them better, if I didn’t Live with them or at least had some privacy. A room to disappear into and have some time for my thoughts would make a world of difference here.

My two children, it’s always been this way to a degree, someday we’ll catch up I suppose. If not, I’ll be proud as any other Father whether I’ there to see their accomplishments or not.

My baby girl, I miss her but she doesn’t even know me, so it’s not a problem for here. She’s healthy, happy and loved, that matters the most.

My friend in the hospital, not the first time and probably not the last. She’s a strong person though, stronger than I could hope to be. I worry, but she always worries more about Me than herself at these times, when that stops, then I’ll get scared.

My baby-momma (I just like sayin that) That’s a situation I’m still working thru. As is, God will or won’t do something, there Are no other options now. I do mean None unless Dr. House jumps out of the TV and works a medical miracle. Which would be cool in So many ways.

I’m done bitching now.

Oh, and my ‘net sucks and some donut head was playin with my site, pretty sure the Blog is fixed now.

About William

Just a Blogger with too much time to kill. Ranting and Raving about whatever is on my mind when I sit down to type. Politics, Religion, Social issues even Personal crap..errr ...Revelations at times.

7 responses to “Yes, I’m Bitching”

  1. suzzymilkmaid says :

    Sounds like you’re well on the road to enlightenment.

  2. Michael Hulshof-Schmidt says :

    Dear heart, you really have a lot on your plate right now. My hope is that you know there are those of us out in the world that are sending you lots of good energy. I hope blogging is also proving therapeutic for you.

    • William says :

      Thank you, sometimes hard to remember but I do appreciate it more than I can say 🙂

      Blogging helps. I used to bottle things up until I exploded, sometimes with serious consequences.

      Though being public with some things is a little odd for me, it does help and who knows may help someone else at some point to see someone else losing it online

  3. happinessisnotadisease says :

    As what one I-don’t-know-his-name wisely said once upon a depressing time, “When you’re down, there’s nowhere left to go but up.”

    That or you can be a digger. And when you’re already down and you dig, it could be nothing else but your grave. Something tells me you won’t do that.

    So I guess it’s Up for you then. I hope you keep hold of that faith, Will.

    • William says :

      Thank you. Rough day and had to vent.

      Digging not an option, I broke the shovel trying to knock myself out with it the other night when I had insomnia 🙂

Werdz Go Heer

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